Dearest Blog-Readers and Bird-Fans:
As you may already know, Birds on a Cable has recently added new starlings to our flock. And, truth be told, it’s been a difficult journey to find these shining, capable personalities. Technical knowhow aside, we aim to employ passionate, organized and well-balanced Birds.
Sifted from hundreds of resumes, below are some of the close-but-not-quite candidates:
I did receive a diploma but it was turned over right away to the university I went to (DeVry University) and I never saw it again. I have attempted at getting a duplicate of this diploma but was unsuccessful.
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I finally have a beard again and don’t want to shave. I deleted the last 3 pages of my resume and attached to this email.
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I want to come help you impress the pants off of your clients with my utter lack of monotone and uncanny chill. I would love to add my personal recourses and willingness to learn to your little flock. I’m so excited to hear back from you I could lay an egg, so please don’t hesitate to reach out with any further questions you may have.
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As a sales and technical consultant, we live by the motto, “we make dreams come true!”
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“Anything that exceeds 2pgs will be immediately discarded” – Wow that is extremely short-sighted!
Hopefully you are not as arrogant with your personality towards your customers as your job posting makes your company seem.
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Thank you very much and God bless you.