Did Father’s Day sneak up on you again this year? Did it sneak up and abruptly pass you by? Well, you can hardly be blamed for not paying attention to your calendar, with all of this going on:
-A deadly pandemic
-The worst economic depression since the Great Depression due to the deadly pandemic
-Recent videos of police officers murdering unarmed Americans
-Ensuing protests due to recent videos of police officers murdering unarmed Americans
-Ensuing use of military force due to protests due to recent videos of police officers murdering unarmed Americans
-The Presidential election
-New allegation that President Trump enlisted the help of China to win said election
-Tiger King on Netflix
That’s a lot to handle at once, America, and it took all our attention from that special person who played a 50% role in our existence: Dad.
But forgetting about Father’s day doesn’t mean you have to run out the door to the nearest store (they may not be open anyway) to buy Dad a cheap necktie and pair of socks. No, we are BETTER than that. THIS act, ladies and gentlemen, requires a show of contrition and compensatory spending.
We live in the gilded Age of Amazon. So get out your laptop, set your bank card down next to it, and get ready to blow some money on the guy who threatened the life of your date to the prom!
- Samsung Galaxy Watch Active 2 ($379, Amazon) or Apple iWatch 5th Gen ($329, Amazon):
It’s time to upgrade his watch and give him a viable cover to passive-aggressively check his watch with text/call/app notifications, and the ability to make phone calls (when combined with a compatible phone plan). These watches can help track sleep and heart rate too, so there’s an added health benefit to help him stay on top of his vital signs when that speed/red-light camera ticket hits the mailbox!
- Bang & Olufsen Beoplay H9i Headphones ($264, Amazon):
Is your dad a bit of an audiophile? Upgrade him with a bangin’ set of cans that produce studio quality sound. Bang and Olufsen are a personal favorite of mine so I have a special place in my heart for their products. Dad will be able to hear Louis Armstrong’s stomach growling with the clarity these headphones will give him.
- iRobot Roomba 675 Vacuum ($249, Amazon):
Want to give dad the perpetual gift of not having to do chores on his day off? Maybe help clean up the mess you made of forgetting about Father’s Day? This will take one of those off his list. This little guy will clean on a schedule, is wifi connected, and is quiet enough that it won’t interrupt the game he is watching on TV (unlike MOM when she passive-aggressively vacuums during the Super Bowl. But hey, that’s what #2 on this list is for).
With all that is going on (the list above is not by ANY means exhaustive), and with the added stress on Dad’s heart with the realization that his children don’t love him, take his mind off of his rising heart rate (with item #1), the sounds of rubber bullets and tear gas canisters (with item #2), and/or help him with any cleanup (COVID or otherwise, with item #3) and show dad that his day doesn’t have to fall on some Hallmark holiday, but any day of the week.